"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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