i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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