if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
