Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
