I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
