Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
