I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
