she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
