i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
