My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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