do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Operation Purity has been aborted
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
