I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
