Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your penis caused this!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
