I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
