you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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