Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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