Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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