even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
