Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
