Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
