Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
