think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
