one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
