Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
