Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
