Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is the high leading the old right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
