i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
only if we run a train.
done.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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