Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
