covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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