I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize