I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
