I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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