Already got asked if we're dating
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
