i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
