He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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