you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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