these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
