I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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