you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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