party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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