I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
