I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
