All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
