i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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