i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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