Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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