return my video game
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
