Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
