The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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