dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
