Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
