u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
