I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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