Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize