i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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