Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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