and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
