My nipple is on Facebook.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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