I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize