need another drink. this is the easiest way
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
