Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
