We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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