she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
