I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
