Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
