His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
